Ready

Blessed, joyous solstice to all! I always think I'm going to start some rebirth on a pagan holiday, and it never works out. This time, though, I totally forgot what day was approaching--and I've been wanting to make this transformation for a few weeks. And ya know, I'm hoping that making it public will help me to stick to it. ;-)

Today wasn't especially eventful...hey, I got my oil changed. (It'd only been 9000 miles. Relax, it's the synthetic oil...that makes it all better, right?) And Alex had ABA therapy, which was great as usual. And we went swimming: two Kaufmen, Mommy, and a few other awesome relatives.

So instead I'll give you some exposition.

I have a tendency to get lazy, and that tendency has quietly been leaving piles around my life. Yep, the physical piles in the house, plus the non-tangible ones, like therapies for Alex and habits that need breaking--or making. I want to change the way we eat. I want to change the way we spend spare time. And I want to KNOW I'm doing my best for my sons, not just hope I am.

But it's all a chain reaction, see? I have to make do in the kitchen because I don't have room to set up new systems. In the house, the toys and clothes are where they are because there are other toys and clothes and crap in other places. I joke that I need to gut the place. Well, it's sort of a joke. But I have stalled for MONTHS because "I don't have time to do this--I'll have to find someone to babysit so I can do this...for like a few days." Yeah, that's not happening.

So it has to be in stages--one room, one closet at a time. Perhaps one reasonable babysitting session of a couple hours at a time.

And once I can get my physical world in order, I'll have the setup to make other changes. Like more activity and less staring at screens (for the kids, of course...I say as I stare at a screen. :-/). Like eating better foods and getting more exercise.

A goddess-friend of mine recommended a book (that I have barely cracked, to be honest) that taught me something to the effect: "Disorder in the physical world breeds disorder in the psychic/spiritual/mental world." And that makes total sense to me.

So now that I've said all that, I'm reminded that I really should clean out SOMETHING tonight...maybe I'll bag up some clothes that I want to get rid of. Or maybe pull some clutter out of the kitchen cabinets. It'll be something.

Because if I remember my reason for this--the well-being of my family and me--I can't lose my focus.

Just before I sat down to write this, Alex stopped flap-pacing to look at me and whisper in a gravelly voice, "Mommy! Ready?" I had no idea what we were about to do, but it didn't matter. When my kid invites me to play a game, I am in. There was no doubt I'd answer as I did: "I am READY."